


a duty to fulfill

by laurengraywills



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anger, Coping, Dark Levi Ackerman, Death, Depressed Levi Ackerman, Depression, Despair, Disappointment, Drinking, Drunk Levi Ackerman, F/M, Grief/Mourning, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, Implied Sexual Content, Loss, Loss of Identity, POV Levi Ackerman, Sad Ending, Sad Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Sexual Tension, Tragic Romance, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Worry, concerned erwin smith
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:14:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29651163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laurengraywills/pseuds/laurengraywills
Summary: a spiraling levi ackerman is urged to heal himself
Relationships: Levi Ackerman & Original Female Character(s), Levi Ackerman - Relationship
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	a duty to fulfill

_**"Stay with me."** Levi's voice was quiet, his hand brushed loose, ginger hair from Emris' hair from her face, his eyes hallow as he stared at her, hands shaking. _

_"You know I can't, dumbass. I have a duty to fulfil." Emris rolled her eyes, softly grabbing Levi's hand. "Erwin is smart, we'll be alright. And hey, I can dodge flying rocks really well." she chuckled, lightheartedly as she stared into Levi's eyes. He swallowed thickly, "Just a little longer and we'll be free." She grinned at him, her soft lips pressing against his cheek._

* * *

Spinning. Levi's head was spinning. Alcohol burned through his system, coating his throat in the disgusting harshness vodka held in it. He grimaced, slamming his tea cup that was normally filled with black tea and a few random loose leaves, now contaminated with alcohol, onto his desk. He glanced up, staring at the redhead sat across from him, "Close mission." He muttered, grabbing the bottle of vodka and filling his tea cup back up again.

Dark circles hung under his eyes, darker than usual. His hallow eyes filled with nothing but remorse, disgust and hatred. Emris watched him, her eyes filled with concern as she watched him grab his tea cup to down another glass of the poisoning liquid.

"You should slow down, Levi." She softly suggested, reaching across the desk and placing a warm hand on his wrist that gripped the top of his tea cup. 

He let out a grim chuckle, "Maybe." He shook his head, putting the tea cup down. "I'm glad taking back Wall Maria was a success." he grabbed her hand, massaging her hand softly as he stared at the empty tea cup. _When did I drink that?_ He shrugged it off, "I'm glad you're okay." he whispered, a low smile on his lips.

Emris grimaced, "Yeah, me too." She responded, swallowing thickly. She leaned forward, her eyes beginning to water, "I love you." She lifted their hands, pressing a kiss to his wrist as she looked up at him through her thick eyelashes, a chill running down Levi's spine as she did.

He grinned at her warmth, her soft lips against his wrist, "I love you." He murmured back, taking a deep breath in. He didn't say it often, it was rare Emris and Levi exchanged such words, they knew they loved each other, they didn't have to remind each other constantly. They belong to each other and each other only. "Are you okay?" He questioned with a frown as he noticed her tear brimmed eyes. 

"Yes, Levi. I'm fine." She responded with a weak smile, he didn't believe her. "You should lay down, love. You've had a lot to drink." She suggested as she stood in her seat, her hand letting go of Levi's. He frowned at the loss of touch, leaning back in his chair as she walked around the desk. "Come on, let's get you to sleep." She insisted, running a hand through his messy, dirty hair.

Grumbling, he shook his head. "I haven't had that much to drink." He disagreed, looking at the nearly empty vodka bottle his face twisted. _How is it almost gone? I just bought that today?_ He glanced back up at Emris who was giving him a pleading look, her lips trembling. "What's wrong, Emris?" He stood, stumbling slightly and inching forward to get closer to her. She let out a soft chuckle, reaching over and cupping his jaw in one of her hands. "Emris?"

"Go to bed, Levi." She pressed her lips to his cheek, a soft tear falling down her cheek as she did. He sighed, allowing her to take his wrist and lead him into their bedroom. The queen sized bed was messy, unmade and dirty clothes littered the floor. The Captain ignored it, climbing into the bed with a hiccup as Emris stood at the edge of the bed, "Sweet dreams, love."

* * *

"Levi, are you listening?" Erwin asked, his eyes furrowed as he stared at Levi across the table. The usual clean-freak Captain looked a mess, his hair un-brushed and unwashed, his shirt stained with spilt alcohol, rings of red around his eyes, contrasting with the heavy, dark bags creasing under his eyes. 

He blinked slowly, "Yes, I'm listening." He responded with a sigh, bringing his tea cup, filled with black tea to his lips. "What were you saying?" He questioned, completely contradicting what he had just said seconds ago. However, he was rather uninterested with the conversation, glancing around the room, _where is Emris?_

Hange and Levi shared a look, "We need to begin funeral preparations, Levi. The loss the Scouts took was huge, we have a lot to do." Hange responded, her voice soft as she looked at Levi from across the table. Levi looked at her, one of her eyes bandaged due to the hit she'd taken during the mission to retake Wall Maria. "What kind of flowers should we use?" She questioned, glancing between Erwin and Levi.

The Commander responded, and once again, Levi zoned out. _Shouldn't that idiot Emris be here? Where the hell did she disappear to this morning anyway?_ He was growing increasingly frustrated at her constant disappearances without any sort of warning. He needed her at the moment, he was growing tired of keeping up his 'humanities strongest soldier', stoic Captain façade and Emris was the only one he wanted to be around anymore. He didn't even want to be around his best friends Erwin or Hange if he was being honest.

He took a deep breath, "It looks like you have it handled, I'll be...around." Levi nonchalantly shrugged, standing at the dining hall table where a dim oil lamp was sat between the three leaders of the Scouts. He ignored their worried glances, exiting the dining hall with his tea in hand. His head was pounding from his hangover from the night before, and he was thankful Emris' was there to stop him otherwise he would have finished the bottle of vodka.

Pushing the door to his and Emris' room open, he grinned.

"There you are, idiot." He chuckled, closing the door behind him, he stared at the redhead sat on the leather couch in the corner of the office, her legs crossed and her elbow resting on the arm of her chair, her chin resting in the palm of her hand as she stared out a window. She looked up at him as he entered the room, a smile playing her lips, "Where did you go this morning?" He questioned, plopping down onto the couch next to her, he kicked his boots off and nuzzled close to her. She smelt like her normal smell, roses and vanilla with a hint of lavender. He did love her smell.

She sighed, "You need a shower." She pressed her lips to his dirty hair, cringing, "You smell like sweat, alcohol and despair." She giggled and he scoffed, playfully elbowing her side. "I'm serious. Shower." She insisted, standing, she grabbed one of his wrists pleadingly.

"I don't feel like it." He responded, refusing to budge from his seat on the couch. His eyes were adverted into his lap, and an unfamiliar feeling of a lump in his throat grew, "I'm tired. I'll shower tomorrow." he yawned, running a messy hand through his greasy hair.

A twinge of pain ran through him. "No, you need to shower, you'll feel better, I promise." She insisted, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to his cheek, "Let's go. And then you can clean your room? It's a bit messy and I'm sure it's bothering you." 

Levi grimaced. His dirty room was bothering him, his unorganized papers, the few empty bottles of alcohol that littered the ground next to his desk, his dirty clothes and greasy hair- it bothered him a lot. But he could never find the energy to clean any of it. All he wanted to do was curl up with Ermis, spend the rest of his days with her in his arms. She tugged on his wrist again.

"Come on, Levi." She whispered.

He rolled his eyes, giving in as he stood, striding over to their room, he opened the closet door, frowning at the lack of clean clothes- all that remained clean was a plain white t-shirt and a pair of plain grey boxers. He sighed, pulling them out, "You're pushy, you know." He glanced back at Emris, his eyebrows furrowing when he noticed he was stood in the room alone. _Brat, she must've already headed to the showers._ He sighed, giving one last glance at their messy room before he headed to the showers.

* * *

"You look so much better when you're clean." Emris grinned, swinging her legs on the side of the bed. Levi gave her a glare, "You need to wash these sheets next. They haven't been washed in awhile." She teased, running her fingers over the soft sheets on the bed.

He scoffed, "I don't have the energy for that, idiot." He retorted, leaning over and throwing another dirty shirt and pair of pants into a laundry basket. He was annoyed she wasn't helping, but content that she was there with him, looking as beautiful as ever as she sat perched on their bed, watching him as he cleaned. 

She smiled lightly at him, "I know. I'm sorry. But you're doing good now. I'm proud of you." She whispered, barely able for him to hear. He gave her a weird look, finally collecting all of their dirty clothes though it confused him as to how out of the amount of dirty clothes he collected, there was only one set of Ermis' clothes. "Maybe you can ask Hange or Erwin to wash them for you? Or force one of those bothersome monsters to do it, I'm sure you could make Jean." 

Levi let a snicker out, "Maybe I should." He smiled, walking over toward the bed, "Scoot, I'm taking the bedsheets off." he poked her arm slightly and she complied, standing up easily and moving off to the side. "Though I don't think I want them to see how much of a mess all this shit is." he shook his head in shame, tugging the fitted sheet and loose sheet off the bed and then the pillow cases.

Ermis nodded, "I understand, but _you_ can't sleep without sheets and blankets." she whispered, stepping forward and placing a hand on the side of Levi's jaw. His cheeks and jaw were growing scruffy with a 5'o-clock shadow dancing on his face. He hadn't shaved it- something about being too tired and he'd accidentally cut his throat if he tried to do it while he was still hungover and exhausted. 

The short captain shrugged, "Maybe so." He grumbled, tossing the sheets and blankets into another basket, he took a deep breath in. " _We_ can't sleep without bedsheets." He suddenly corrected Emris, thinking back to how she'd referred to only himself. 

Her mouth parted and she gulped, "Open a window, let some fresh air in." she changed the subject, dropping her hand from his jaw and motioning her head over to the large window in the room that had remained closed for quite some time. 

Shrugging off her mistake, Levi sighed. "So needy." He teased, stepping away from her, he slid open the curtains in the room. He winced as the sunlight from outside beamed in illuminating the room but making his head pound as his eyes adjusted to the light. He ignored his headache and pushed the window open, a refreshing breeze from outside blowing in and hitting against his face, "There, happy-" 

"Oh, you're cleaning up." Hange was stood in his bedroom doorway, glancing around the room. "I'm glad to see it. It was getting a bit musty in here." 

Levi's eyebrows furrowed. _What the hell? Where did she disappear off to now?_ He frowned, "Yeah, trying to." He responded, deciding he'd bring up Emris' frequent disappearances to her whenever she returned. "Do you need something, four eyes?" He questioned. 

Hange, who had never reacted to Levi's nickname before suddenly let a soft smile spread across her features at the sound of his nickname, "Huh, you haven't called me that in awhile. Though it would technically be three eyes now since the other one is fucked up." She chuckled to which Levi only kept his usual, bored and emotionless look. "You need some laundry done? I'll do it for you." She offered.

He thought about it for a moment. He sure as hell didn't want to do it and Emris obviously had no plan to help out with his cleaning. He wanted to spend time with Emris- not cleaning laundry. "If you want, be my guest." He grumbled, turning around and looking outside. 

Grinning Hange nodded, "I'm glad to see you're feeling better." She softly told Levi as she stepped forward and grabbed the two full laundry baskets before scurrying out of the room.

* * *

"Hey idiot, you fell asleep." Emris pushed forcing him to open his eyes with a frown. He was sprawled out on the bed with missing bedsheets. The sun had begun to go down and there was an uncomfortable darkness in the room. He groaned, "Have you drank any water? You should go get a glass." She suggested, sitting down in the bed next to him, she pressed her palm against his forehead. "You seem dehydrated."

He furrowed his eyebrows, "What the hell is up with you and all this self care shit?" he questioned, sitting up and tilting his head at Emris. 

She swallowed thickly, now running her hand through his clean hair. "It's called taking care of yourself, idiot. You used to be good at it." She murmured, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek he savored the feeling. "Now go get some water, and see if there's an extra pair of bed sheets you can use tonight." she urged him.

He nearly melted into her hand, "Why don't you come with me? And what's with you and constantly disappearing recently?" He questioned in frustration, pulling away from her and looking her in the eyes. She looked hurt, and face flooded with pain and she opened her mouth but then only closed it. He felt his heart ache, "Do you not love me anymore?"

"No, of course I love you. I'll always love you, dumbass. You'll understand soon." She assured him rolling her eyes as she stood, "Now go get some water and bedsheets." she ordered, her voice laced with sorrow.

"Fine." he grumbled, standing up from the bed. He pressed a kiss to her cheek to which she smile at before he left the room. His footsteps were heavy, not as sly as they used to be as he made his way down to the kitchen. He ignored Jean and Eren who were bickering in the kitchen, heading straight for the cabinet that held the glasses, swinging it open.

He was fully prepared to not interact with either of the annoying teenagers, but when Eren and Jean halted their bickering, staring at Levi with wide eyes, he realized that wasn't possible. "Captain Levi! I have a question-" Eren started to speak.

Levi sent him a glare filling the water cup full, "Ask Hange, Jaeger. I'm not interested." He hissed, narrowing his hallow eyes at Jean and Eren before he exited the kitchen. Everything felt weird to him, something was off, it was bugging him but he had no interest in investigating whatever the hell it was. All he was interested in at the moment was getting bedsheets so he and Emris could go to bed without sleeping on a bare mattress. 

He entered the storage room, glancing down at the boxes upon boxes of soldiers old belongings. He grabbed a set of sheets, in a hurry to get back to his lover. A pillowcase flew off the stack, falling onto the ground. Levi cursed, turning on his heel to quickly pick up the pillow case. He bent over, snatching the pillow case quickly. Suddenly, his eyes fell onto the box it had fallen next to. 

_Emris._

It read. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, dropping the bedsheets, and grabbing the box. His heart was racing, he could feel it in his stomach and his throat. He ripped open the box, and his heart dropped as he looked at the contents. Clothes, all of her clothes, her dumb ribbon hair ties, her flower embroidered socks, her notebook, it was all in the box, packed up. His mouth ran dry and his lips trembled. 

"Levi." Emris' voice was suddenly next to him, soft, broken and filled with pity. He glanced up at her, she was crying, perfect tears rolling down her pale face, her smooth lips trembling as she stood in the storage room.

He swallowed, "What is this?" He questioned, his voice cracking as he held her clothes in his hand, "Are you leaving the Scouts? Were you going to tell me? Is that why you're always disappearing?" He questioned, utter disappointment and hurt in his voice. His own eyes were filling with tears. _No, that's not it._ "You want to join the Military Police or something? Leave me?" His voice cracked, and a painful lump filled his throat as he stared at her. 

She took quick steps toward him, kneeling beside him in a hurry. She took a deep breath in, "Levi. You know the answer to that." She muttered, her hand cupping his jaw. He blinked, a tear rolling down his face. "Levi, snap out of this." She urged him, leaning forward she pressed a kiss to his cheek where his tear was rolling down. He was shaking, gripping her boxed-up clothes in his hands as he squeezed his eyes shut.

"Emris." he tried to speak but was forced to stop as the lump in his throat painfully pressed against his esophagus as he spoke. He felt sick, his stomach burned as if there was a fire of despair burning pit in his stomach, his heart ached as if someone was squeezing it in their bare hands and he felt only distress and anguish as he stared at her. "Emris." he forced himself to speak again.

She shook her head, "Levi. I love you. I always will. But this isn't healthy, love." She whispered, her hand that wasn't on his jaw reached over, lightly touching his hands that were holding onto her clothes as if his life depended on it. "Please. Please open your eyes." She begged, her tears endlessly falling.

He shook his head, "I-I can't." He choked out, his lips trembling as he stared at her. "I can't, Emris." he continued, more tears falling from his red ringed eyes. He was lost, so, so lost. "Please, I love you. Please don't do this to me." He begged, trembling as she held him. She wasn't warm like she usually was, she was cold. "I need you. I need you, I can't do this anymore without you, Emris." He pleaded.

She let out a strangled sob, "Levi, look at me." she urged him, her voice shaking. 

He was crying, shaking in her arms, his hands still gripping her clothes as he forced himself to look up at her. His hair messy again, his 5o-clock scruff patchy, and his white shirt stained with his tears.

"Please stay with me." he begged her.

"You know I can't, dumbass." she swiped her thumb across his tear ridden face. "I've fulfilled my duty, love. You need to let me go, you need to heal." 

He shook his head, opening his mouth to beg her to stay just a little longer- all he needed was a little longer with her. All he needed was to feel her a little longer to hold her. Yet when he looked up,

he was alone,

in a supply closet,

gripping the soft clothes of the woman he loved,

sobbing into her old favorite shirt that she'd always insisted on wearing despite the small holes on it, his tears staining it. 

"You suck at dodging flying rocks, Emris." he muttered. 


End file.
